There are two types of canoe trips. The first is one where you are travelling each day, seeing all that you can and putting some distance behind you. The other, is a paddle out to one spot, make camp for the weekend and have a few drinks with your friends. This… is the later.
So I had the great pleasure of going on a backwoods canoe trip with Mr. Man camping himself Scot Robinson – Who will from now on be referred to as one T, and his lovely wife Meghan. This was my first camping trip out with them and definitely won’t be the last. Here is my trip report.
May 22 – 24, 2015 – Kawartha Highlands Provincial Park.
The plan was to set off from the Beaver lake Access point in the Kawartha Highlands Provincial Park, paddle south through the narrows of Mississauga Lake over to Cold lake, portage into Cox lake and setup camp. This trip I am told was a simple paddle out, camp for a night or two and paddle back. We ended up getting off a little late on a Friday afternoon and didn’t end up getting launching our boats till about 6 o’clock at night. It was quite windy and we could tell it was going to be a cold first night. When we launched the boats it was 12C. We had one member of our party that cancelled last-minute due to work leaving just the three of us to head out. This mean that Scot and I took the canoe while Mrs. ManCamping captained the kayak alongside us. It being my first time in a canoe in years, I had forgotten how to paddle a canoe! I quickly learned that Scot has lots of patients. Even though every once in a while he may just decide to splash you in the back just to keep you paddling hard. (Not my fault he started to lily dip!) We didn’t have to paddle to far. It was only about an hour and a half – two hours to get to the first campsite.
Once we landed on our campsite which happened to be the emergency campsite on Cold lake because we ran out of time before dark… and we were feeling to lazy to get there. We quickly took care of the essentials….. you know fire, finding a place to hang the food barrel, all the boring stuff that I don’t really know too much about but it’s very important. We decided to light the fire in a manly way – using the fire striker. We all smoke, but lighters and matches are cheating! So once we took care of the important stuff finally sat down and cracked a bottle and well folks LET THE STUPIDITY BEGIN!!! Below is an accurate description of some of the things we had conversations about and/or did.
You guys don’t know me but stupidity; that’s where I’m a Viking. The night progressed with a couple of bottles down. One T finished 26 of Sailor Jerry’s and Meghan put down a couple of bottles of wine. But her, “it was to keep warm” the temperature was somewhere around 0C as far as we could tell. After Meghan went to bed, One T and I thought it would be a great idea at 2 clock in the morning to shoot off a flare.
From ManCamping: We like to call this product testing. Works when wet and can be fired while drunk!
About 20 minutes later we decided it would be a great idea to shoot off a bear banger. By the time One T and I got to bed let’s just say we had a good tune on.
The next morning was still very windy. It had warmed up a little from the night before, but the wind was blowing straight into our westward facing campsite. Meghan woke up first thing in the morning, and she was very patient and allowed us to sleep in.. NOT!!!! Serves us right for the bear banger.
After getting up and having some coffee and recovering from the night, it didn’t take long for that stupidity to build back up…. See folks I’d like to explain to you how stupidity works…. See it’s kinda like a fart. You know that feeling in your gut? It just starts building up, and building up, and building up and then eventually you just have to release it? Well that’s kind of how I think of stupidity. It comes in waves of complete stupidity and then just silence with everyone staring at a fire. It all started off when we decided because of the wind coming in on our site, it would be a great idea to build a lean too that will protect us from the wind while were sitting by the fire. From their things went a little crazy.
We started off with building a wall we could use to defend our campsite. Then we we’re talking about building an entire wall across our beach front WITH SPIKES and a look out tower behind, and underwater bears in the lake… that’s right I said underwater bears. This quickly progressed from just defending our campsite to defending the lake and from defending the lake it was taking over the world, once we had the world… well….. we can control the weather….. Seeing as we had power over the weather we could use that to take over the Universe. (Yes we realize the ideology was a little bizarre and doesn’t work what so ever, but after a few camp Caesars, some Scotch, and a few whiskey drinks – It made sense to us!)
As you can tell by now were a special kind of stupid. This quickly progressed from us having control of the weather to being able to make Sharknado’s to making Bearnado’s. Which I might add would be a fantastic movie…Hint Hint who ever made Sharknado. ( I’m to lazy to look it up). Things just progressed from there. I don’t want to give away all our stupid tricks. but if you want to know more join us sometime and we can create our own kind of stupid.
As you may have been able to tell, we were having such a good time at this campsite (and it was still really windy) so we never left the site. We stayed there all weekend. I even decided to make life a little more comfortable and I made a reclining chair out of a few sticks and a few stumps, carving out pieces with an axe. ManCamping ingenuity! Combine all of this with almost stepping on what we thought was a rattle snake (Turns out to be a milk snake), and meeting some locals who decided to boat in the dark, without lights and with a new-born onboard (idiot). We also took turns successfully making fire from fire pistons (almost lost a beard to this one), Magnesium blocks and unsuccessfully attempted the fire bow method. Didn’t work yet… we’ll keep you posted on that one. Let’s just say it’s a trip I won’t forget.
I can’t tell you all of the conversations that were had over the course of the weekend. Mainly because they are conversations that no sane person should ever have. By the end of the trip I really didn’t want to leave. I had a blast and am looking forward to our next adventure so stay tuned.
Folks there is something to be said about going off into the woods and living with in the wild, creating a base camp and just getting FUCKED UP with friends.
Thanks again guys
And thanks to Charles ( AKA Morgan Freeman) for writing this all down. (FYI – You probably shouldn’t ask about this one.)
Eric ( Bendy) Bender……….WITH SPIKES!!!!